I realized
that the tensions I am experiencing come because I like doing things well – I
like to focus fully on one thing and do it well – and in recent years – I have
been able to manage that. Maybe shifting
focus here and there, but knowing the vision and sticking to it.
But now the
balls are coming too fast and I can’t hit them all back and I am running around
crazy trying to hit them all, rather than trying to return just one at a
time. And I realize that so many of my
anxieties could be left to one side if I wasn’t driven by this annoying
back-seat driver who shouts: Are you sure
that is good enough for God? Are you sure you are being a good enough mother? Are
you being a good enough support for Mark? Are you attending enough to those in
the team? Are you investing your creative gifts enough? (Remember the parable
of the talents!!) And I swerve this way and that, breaking hard and turning
suddenly, all the time knowing that this isn’t the life Jesus was talking
about.
And I
picked up a book about peace and even in the open pages I suddenly saw the
problem. I was making everything too
complicated. I had despised simple and looked for the new revelation when all
the time it was in the simple – in what I already knew to be true. I actually needed to reverse. Or in John the Baptist’s words: repent.
It is not
about ensuring the children learn everything they possibly could learn this
year. Daniel does not need a saturated timetable
of academic and extra-curricula activities.
He needs a Mummy modeling a God-seeking, trusting regardless of the
storms, life. Homeschool is about simplicity: 2 or 3 simple goals and working
towards them. Had I asked God what they
should be yet? Umm…no.
It is not
about taking on the pastoral responsibility of all the people in the team. It is not about making sure everyone is happy
and well and thriving and if they are not it is my fault. It is about simplicity: 1 or 2 simple goals
each week. Had I asked God what they
should be yet? No, not yet.
It is not
about being a adoring, doting, grateful, sexy, helpful, encouraging wife all
the time and maintaining those high, high, standards I have set myself. It is about simplicity: 1 or 2 simple
intentional goals to show Mark I love him this week. Had I prayerfully considered what they should
be yet? You know by now, I haven’t.
And it is
not about having all the ideas and vision and blogposts and other creative
ideas all worked out this week. It is
about simplicity: 1 or 2 simple intentional goals. Embracing the step by step. And you know I need to spend time seeking God
about that too.
And so as I keep telling myself ‘Keep it simple’, waves of peace are beginning to break, and this car which is running out of gas is coming into a pit stop. I know I need to take a moment to readjust my life. To put time into my calendar to work out what this week’s priorities are and to prayerfully consider all the different aspects of my life.
How about
you? Are you in need of a pitstop?
‘A plain
and simple life is a full life.’
– Proverbs
13:7b (The Message)
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Related
post: Keep it Simple
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