Friday 28 December 2012

Presumption vs. Faith


I know it has been a little while since I have posted - it is not that life has been too busy, but rather that I have been working on some material for a series of posts that I am really excited about for February! I don't want to say too much now, but let's just say that I am really excited and you are going to get to hear from some different people too on a very important topic! 

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Last year, when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Kaleb, a C-section looked likely.  He was breech and there is only one doctor I know here in Peru who would even consider a breech birth under certain conditions.  When I had visited her when I was pregnant with Joel, our second child, we hadn’t seen eye to eye.   But, feeling the leading of the Holy Spirit, I returned to see her 8 months pregnant, and this time we really connected. (The first time I had been to see her, I had been on the defensive and she had responded likewise to my lack of trust.)

I felt at ease with the doctor and when I went into labour, she did all she could to help me have a natural breech birth, but when Kaleb failed to descend, she felt that there was a reason why, and we should consider transferring to the hospital for a C-section.  Mark and I prayed and at that moment I saw in my mind a path which forked.  One way was a dead end blocked off, and I felt like God was saying that we had no choice, or rather we did – life or death!

Kaleb was born by C-section a few hours later, the cord round his neck so short that he was unable to descend.  He would have most likely died if we had forced a natural breech delivery. 

Now I don’t know exactly why God decided a C-section was the way Kaleb should be born.  It was definitely not for lack of prayer – I was so desiring and determined to have a natural birth.  But I do know that His perspective was bigger and at least part of the reason was to guide my friends through a similar situation a year later. 

But leading up to the day of Kaleb’s birth, I refused to consider a C-section.  I called it faith, but I now recognize it as presumption.  When I opened my Bible, I read verses such as “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matthew 21:22) and “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4) and I tried to muster up as much faith as possible – praying these verses and believing that it was God’s will for me to have a natural birth, especially seeing as that was His natural design for birth.
 
But the truth was, I was stuck in presumption.  I never asked God His will for this situation because I presumed it would be the same as mine.  I was also stuck in fear – I was unable to hear any answer other than a natural birth in my mind.  Many of the reasons I was so against having a c-section were because of bad experiences with medical personnel, and general lack of support for the early mother-baby bond here in Peru. (Babies are separated from their mothers for hours post-delivery and encouraged to be fed formula in the nursery so the mother can ‘rest’.  You have to be very firm to want to breastfeed your baby, or keep him or her with you after the initial compulsory separation period.)

What I hadn’t realized is that those fears were actually stopping me from trusting my Heavenly Father.  And because I couldn’t trust Him, I couldn’t hear His will.

It is very difficult to hear God’s will in our lives if we are only prepared to hear the response that we don’t fear.  And I wonder if the natural birth had actually become an idol to me and I was unwilling to lay it down until the end.  I don’t know whether if I had laid the natural birth down earlier willingly whether God would have changed the outcome, but I do know that I would have been able to have walked into the C-section with a lot more preparation and peace than I had. 

And so, as he has graciously healed my heart, amongst other things, with regards to medical situations, I have realized that I can hear His will more – even when it doesn’t make sense to me, because I can trust Him. I am open to hear responses from God that sound ‘wrong’ (like Old Testament Elijah being told to break purification laws to climb on top of a dead boy’s body, or David and his friends eating the sacred bread), and trust that He knows best and that His perspective is bigger. 

And so, when I hear preachers generalizing God’s way of healing (do this and the person will receive their healing…etc), it makes me wonder if sometimes we just want a magic formula, but that God despises that.  He hates it when we use his Presence to get what we want.  He wants relationship with us and it is only when we can trust Him, that we can fully hear what he wants to say to us – and that takes time to mature as people and is why we need the body of Christ to help us weigh the things we feel we are hearing from God.   

Lord, please forgive us when we try and use your Presence for our means, or when we presume Your will because of our fears.  Please help us to trust you and really hear what you are saying in each situation, laying our fears at Your feet.  Let us not presume your will, but knowing your heart, know that whatever the outcome, You are Faithful and Good and always will be.

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Other posts:

Saturday 8 December 2012

Addressing Spiritual ADHD with His Heartbeat

Journaling has become one of the main parts of my quiet times over the last month.  I had so many things I was seeking God about that I wanted to allow the time for Him to speak to me.  However, one of the main things He has said to me is to just lie on his chest and listen to his heartbeat.

I am a doer.  I am a disciplined doer and I don’t just do things for the sake of it (having children and limited time has ensured that!) but even in my quiet times, I find myself trying to achieve something. 

I am trying to find more intimacy with God but I find myself trying to do things to achieve that.

So, perhaps not surprisingly, first on God’s heart to share with me was not about the answers to my many questions, but about His love and desire to be with His brideHow he desired His bride to lie on His chest and listen to Him

I had a dream and I saw these words written: The Lord delights in the nations who listen to Him.  I looked them up when I woke up and they are not a specific verse, but they spoke to me about God’s aching desire for the nations to not be groping around in the darkness, but knowing His voice.  God desires for His bride to listen to Him. My personal response was to pray for wise prophetic voices to be raised up and listened to in all the nations of the world.  


One of the things that has been discovered about people with ADD or ADHD (difficulties in concentration and hyperactivity) is that their internal rhythms are out of sync.  They have no internal beat to guide them.  As a result, music and rhythm therapy can be incredibly helpful.  I wonder how many Christians have spiritual ADHD? They are so busy and distracted that they find it impossible to be still before God. Or is the reason that they have spiritual ADHD because they don't make time to listen to Him? 

Three weeks ago I was that ADHD Christian- distracted and hyperactive, finding myself completely out of sync with Him and feeling totally ineffective in prayer.

God spoke to me about rhythm:

Rhythm begins before a baby can even feel it – loud, overwhelming, overtaking rhythm.  It is a constant and consumes their world – the beat to their life and it is totally reassuring.
When a baby is born, often only a return to that beat will calm the child’s inner needs.  The baby can only fully relax, breathe and sleep deep when warmed and comforted by close skin-on-skin – melted back into one with the mother. The heartbeat calms, reassures and relaxes, lulling them like no other lullaby into the security to let go and be.

A toddler runs off and explores, discovery on top of frustration, on top of fatigue, running straight into a mother’s arms.  Laying against her chest, a calm ensues, a quiet listening.  A connection that soothes, recharges and refreshes, until later the busy toddler climbs down ready to run again.

A lover resting on her lover’s chest – time disappears.  A sudden mellowing in her body – a relaxation so deep that she realizes the many burdens she has been carrying – just how many stresses had been loaded upon her and stuck to her during the day.  Lying silently upon her lover, there is a calming deep within – an embrace of worth that answers that question: am I wanted? Am I loved? Am I?

How much more when you choose to rest your head upon the chest of the Divine Lover? God murmurs “shhhh” as all of your problems and anxieties melt into Him.  He holds you until you calm your spirit and you start listening to His heartbeat.  The warmth of His smile, the softness of His embrace, the joy of His Presence saturates your soul and enlivens your dulled spirit.  And you listen.  To begin with, the heartbeat seems intrusive and loud, until you calm right down and go with it.  Your breathing becomes deeper.  Your muscles relax and the rhythm begins to calm – a constant only you are aware of. 

Be still and Know that I am God, I will be exalted amongst the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.
– Psalm 46:10

How can the desire of the Divine Lover be known amongst the nations, unless His people today will still themselves to spend time with their Lover?



Practical sidenote:
I actually found a relaxation app which plays a constant heartbeat sound very useful in calming my spirit to listen to His Spirit.  I used it as I focused on God in my quiet times and it enabled me to  still myself before Him and enjoy His presence.  

Connected blogposts: 

Be still


My mind is cartwheeling
Be still, Be still
Know that Your Creator
Is waiting for you

My heart is bouncing
Be still, Be still
Know that Your Lover
Is laying next to you

My hands are anxious
Be still, Be still,
Know that Your Inspirer
Is present inside of you.

My body is deflating
Be still, Be still,
Know that Your Strength
Is rising up in you. 

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