Sitting Under An Open Heaven: May 2013

Thursday 30 May 2013

The Sadness of Feeling the Pain of those Close

Like a light veil that covers everything: the dishes; the people; the clothes in the basket; the smiles on my children’s face.

A heavy balloon filled with water wobbling around in my stomach only temporarily dislodged by deep breaths.

Wanting to cry because I deeply feel.

Peace. Silence. Holy silence. Needing to wait.

No answers right now. Just waiting for time to propel us forward. Upwards. Seeing hope, but it is so, so far off right now.

Needing to make provisions for the journey. Needing to make plans perhaps, but wanting to curl up in an armchair with a chocolate biscuit and a warm cosy blanket instead. A heavy rain day.

The sadness does not belong to me but I feel it and I live it.

I feel helpless, but fall into Your arms.

And it reminds me of Solomon’s death. Of Your all enveloping arms that hold me despite what is going on. That remind me that You are faithful. That You feel. That You care, and that You are working, Beautiful Spirit of God. We just have to wait. And trust.

And hope.

Tuesday 28 May 2013

Fighting Discouragement with Feedback

One of the things I wrote on a post on People Everywhere: Things that Transcend Culture, is that everyone has a need for positive feedback. It has something I have been thinking about a lot ever since I have come back from the jungle in April.

I found leading a group of Shipibo women hard. Mainly because they are not very forthcoming when it comes to feedback and also because it is obviously difficult to have conversations when the other party doesn’t feel comfortable conversing in Spanish. I left the jungle wondering if it had been worth the sacrifice of leaving my oldest two at home, plus another week away from home after a transient month with a team. I needed to hear that my presence there made a difference.

I had three important conversations:

1) Mark - he reminded me that just me being there was an encouragement to the women, and spoke of my desire to feed into them - that they as women were valued. He told me that it also showed them that discipling others wasn’t just for the men, it was something women could and should be a part of too.

2) Huddle (online leadership group call)- there I was also reminded of the importance of being there and encouraging other women with my presence, and given helpful ideas for ‘next time’.

3) God - I asked Him to give me a picture of what was going on. He showed me seeds in the ground and small saplings coming through. He told me that our time in the jungle was not about fruit this time, but about seeds and saplings, and that we were going to see very little in the physical realm this time that looked significant, but growth was happening.

Helpful feedback is really important:

It hopefully helps us see things from a larger perspective
It gives us connection with other people - what we all need and crave
It helps us to assess, dream and plan the next steps and helps create momentum to the next things God is sharing with us.
It stops discouragement and isolation (which the enemy is keen for us to feel) when we have just stepped forward.

You would perhaps be surprised that only about 2% of people ever respond or comment on a blogpost or a newsletter we send out. (That is a true statistic in general.) Everyone assumes that everyone else is commenting, giving, connecting, but the truth is that only a very low percentage of people ever give feedback or reach out to connect.

Realising the human need we all have to receive helpful feedback has made me think about where I should be offering more feedback. Recently I have tried to be intentional about sending quick emails or catching a quick conversation with one of our team when I get a chance and not leaving it to later never. I have been making more of an effort to comment on photos or statuses I see where before I have preferred to hide behind cyberspace scared what people might think of me or read into what I had said. I have also tried to be honest with others when I need some feedback and encouragement, when my temptation is to not want to show need for others.

I need to hear from those around me who are also running the race of motherhood, or leadership, or being human, (and of course, also make time to listen to God’s perspective too) that I am doing okay. That what I am doing makes a difference where it matters most. And I expect you do too.

So what about you? Where can you offer more feedback to those around you?
Who can you catch up with this week and encourage? Will you take that quick moment to comment on someone’s status or photo? Will you take a moment to email and spur on a discouraged friend? Don’t assume someone else is.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up

- 1 Thessalonians 5:11

I am enjoying reading Daring Greatly by Brené Brown at the moment. In that book (which is I would highly recommend - truly life changing for me), she mentions about the need for feedback and how we should filter it, especially when we are vulnerable and daring greatly. Many of the ideas in this post have come as a result of chewing over her material.

Saturday 4 May 2013

Fighting for my baby

I started to feel like I was going into labour. I was surprised because I did not even know I was pregnant. A midwife led me to a bed and scanned my tummy and told me that the baby had not survived. I did not believe her and after a few pushes, out came a smaller-than-newborn, but good-sized baby boy. He wasn’t moving, but I knew he was not dead. I breathed on him and he started breathing. Precious, surprising, awe-inspiring life. I had so much certainty that that little life was going to be. I could feel my mother instinct-faith rising up, and there was no way anyone was going to tell me otherwise. I was fighting for that child, and although obviously premature, that baby was going to be fine, and there was no way anyone else was going to take him away from me.

Shortly after giving birth I was handed another baby to adopt. I looked at the baby and did not recognize it. I could see the boy had already had the newborn vaccines as a little band-aid covered his shoulder, and he had clearly already been cared for in the nursery. I was asked if I would accept this baby. I said I would. Because who else would take it? Because I could. Because I was willing. But I felt no connection with this baby. If someone else had shown up at that moment and offered to take the baby, I probably would not have minded.

That was the dream I had on Thursday morning around dawn.

And it made me reflect on the importance of the spiritual birthing process.

How often do I want a breakthrough without the pain? How often do I want the product without the process?

But it is the pain of the process, the fighting, the endurance that grows our faith, gives us perspective and makes us take responsibility for the breakthrough. The adopted baby I was offered, I knew I could love. Logically, practically I could do it. But I didn’t have the same feelings of ownership and responsibility for that child. I wasn’t willing to fight for him like I was for the one I had birthed. Even though I did not even know about him before I birthed him, and even though I was first told about him when he was supposedly already dead, I refused to let go. I refused to accept anything but life from that body. That baby had been given to me and I was going to take full responsibility for him. In the dream I knew that if God had given me that child, he was going to live.

If we don’t go through a birthing process for our breakthroughs, then maybe we are less willing to fight in prayer for them when things look bleak. If we have no assurance that God has given us responsibility for a gift, talent, breakthrough, change in direction, etc, then when the enemy comes against us, how willing are we to fight? How much more quickly does doubt about God’s will come? How much more quickly are we willing to let things go? If the adopted baby had started looking unhealthy, I would honestly probably had felt relief a lot more quickly, not having taken on the responsibility in my heart for that child.

And so that lead me to look at the areas where there are growing pains, birthing pains going on at the moment in my life: an overflowing, overwhelming house; my personal struggles for joy and gratitude; struggles in our team with sickness; our bank balance struggling to provide for the extra costs a growing household requires. What if we used those difficulties to alert us to that breakthrough is coming? What if we took hold of those struggles by the collar and looked at them straight and began thanking God for the life that is coming? That we began to allow those birthing cries to be lifted up to God and call out to Him for things to come into alignment. If we begin to trust that those pains are not indigestion but birthing pains. That the baby is not dead, despite what others may say, but that our belief, our holding fast to the promise God has given us, will be rewarded and that the more intense the pain, the nearer the breakthrough.

So I am asking God to show me His perspective this week. I am asking Him to tell me about the babies we are birthing, the gifts He is releasing, the transitions He is orchestrating, the shifts that are happening, the areas where the enemy is getting nervous and acting out and kicking and screaming because he knows his time is short. If only we will hold on. Persevere. Pray. Hold on fast to Him. If only we will stand on the Rock and trust that what He promised will be.

So where are the struggles in your life this week? Be encouraged. Breakthrough is coming. If you will only hold on. And cry out to Him.

I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.

- Psalm 40