It was the day before my 19th birthday. The bridesmaids had gone ahead and I stood
waiting for the car to return. My Dad
and I. He asked me if I was certain I
wanted to do this. Not because he didn’t
believe in our relationship, or because he disapproved of Mark, but because he
understood the nature of covenant and he was reminding me that from now on,
divorce was not an option. My
commitment, in my mind, must be until death.
Did I understand that?
I smiled at him, at first taken back, (It’s a bit late now, Dad!) but then grateful that he cared more about
me than the weight of any disappointment a called-off wedding would cause, or
any financial waste. I don’t remember
exactly what I said, but whether it came out of my mouth or not, I knew that I
had no idea about marriage, love was not an illusion and that it would only be
by the grace of God we would get through (why
exactly were we getting married,
again?!). I knew that it was not
about a one-time decision to say “yes” but a daily one. And I felt that if both Mark and I were
prepared to ask God for His help, and do our best to keep Him at the centre, it
would work. However, I do remember that
I did say, “Yes, Dad, I’m sure.” And he replied “Phew!”
This year we will have been married for ten years and I feel
like we are just beginning to have moments where we get it. And yet, at the same time, more than ever, I
am desperately aware of where we don’t! We are very conscious of our failures
and they stink!
Even after a decade of marriage Mark and I find that we keep
having to come to God, often on a daily basis, and offer up another mess to
Him. We are so grateful for His grace
that steps in and brings breakthrough.
We are also thankful that we now realize that so often a struggle is a
prelude to breakthrough – a butterfly’s wrestle to freedom. And that without that struggle, the butterfly
would never fly.
I felt God asking me to write a series of posts on marriage
back in December after I spent most of last year looking at marriage and asking
Him – what is it meant to look like? What does a Spirit-filled, ‘ideal’
marriage look like? What does Spirit-filled, ‘ideal’ sex look like? Is there
even such a thing? How can we have a marriage that is a testimony to Christ and
His bride to those around us? If
marriage here is meant to point to the Heavenly perfect one, how can we do
that? And how can marriage be something that spurs one another on to fulfill
their earthly destiny, all the while recognizing that earthy marriage is temporary
but there is a marriage that will last for eternity?
So, this month is marriage month on this blog and I have a
whole selection of posts for you on various aspects of marriage. I have asked some close friends, and
wise people I know to give their perspectives and stories and advice too, so
you will get to hear some different voices over the next four weeks. You will hear from people who have been
married for a decade or few, people who have scarcely said their wedding vows,
from a widower and a soon-to-be bride. You
will even get to hear from my husband, Mark, who I have asked to
contribute because although this is my blog, we are one, and this month would
not be complete without him. I am
looking forward to it! I hope you are too!
I am aware that some single people read my blog. These posts are for you too. Not because I expect you to get married
(although you might!), but because having had so many single people to stay
with us over the last five years, it has made me realize how little exposure
people get to what married life looks like beyond their own parents (if they
were together.) In these posts, I invite
you to be a fly on the wall, to pray for those who are in relationships around
you, and to encourage them to look at things from God’s perspective where
necessary.
And to those of you who are or have been married, I invite
you to comment, to share your stories, corrections, opinions and
encouragements. Both here and
beyond. Share posts you like with others
and pray for the marriages around you.
Let’s make this a month where God is glorified through
marriage and celebrate His earthly template for His eternal plan!
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