Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts

Sunday, 28 July 2013

Pausing and taking a break



More than anything, I want to be known in heaven as a lover of Jesus.  I want to look back on my life and see that my decisions were made on loving Jesus well.  

You may have noticed that I haven’t written much on my blog recently.  I have half a dozen unfinished blogposts of things I am mulling over but never felt fully able to finish and there are two reasons for that: 

1. Life is so busy and I am trying to be faithful in loving God and my family before doing other things. 

2. I am feeling a wall of discouragement against me in terms of writing and I am trying to discern if that is a sign to push through with writing here on the blog or if it is actually right for me to shift my writing focus for a while. 

God is speaking to me about writing on the pilgrimage of motherhood.  Slowly I am working through several posts / chapters, and they are taking much of my writing time.  And perhaps, I just need to realise that that is okay.  Perhaps my writing focus at this time needs to be in more of a hidden place.  

But I would love you to pray for me. 

Would you pray firstly that I would hear God clearly on His timing and will for my writing? 

Would you pray that if it is His will, I would find a writing mentor, who I can be accountable with and thrash out ideas / get wisdom from? 

Would you pray that writing would never become a distraction from seeking Him.  My heart’s desire is to be faithful always to Him, and to serve Him as a demonstration of my love to him.  

Thank you for your prayers, friendships and encouragements.   If you come back here and I still haven’t posted anything new, perhaps you would keep praying for me about the next steps? 

Love, 

Anna 

Sunday, 10 March 2013

My peeling facemask



I struggle.  I struggle with the idea of struggling. 

There.  My mask is off.  More like a face mask – those peel-off ones I loved as a 14 year old, that pulled out those black-heads so satisfactorily.  Except, this time, I didn’t realize I was wearing the mask.

Part of my soul offered out, exposed.  And the waves of vulnerability break upon the shoreline of pride.  Or is it uncertainty?

Uncertainty of who this woman is.  This 28 year old, so used to going it alone, and no longer wanting to.  So used to fighting forward through the darkness of evil come against her, and fighting so confidently that when a punch comes in from the side I am suddenly thrown off-guard.  My roots are rocked and in this dry, dry soil they are desperately seeking for water.  Trusting that it has to be there.  Just.  Need. To. Go. Deeper…
 My mask collection actually consists of various happy faces: the super missionary; the calm, patient mother; the ever-loving, perseverant wife; the expert homeschool teacher; the compassionate pastor’s wife; the loyal friend; the wise older sister.

I love for you to admire my masks and marvel at my strength.

But any strength that is there is either a mask or not mine.  I would love to say that it is always His, but my own insecurities have not yet been melted away by His perfection.
And besides, in this desert I am finding it difficult to see His radiance beyond the glare of my own anxieties.

And these anxieties annoy me.  They rub against me.  The feel so old – so last decade, so coming of age.  Did I not throw them off?  Am I not now a woman: wonder-woman?
Where did they come from? Where did they creep up from these voids in my soul that are cracking my face mask and causing it to peel?

And Jesus. Beautiful, patient, arms-stretched-out Jesus.  You know.  And yet you still love.  You laugh joyfully and wholly and your laugh tells me I am your child and you accept me as I am.  That you find the masks quirky and silly and totally unnecessary and that you love the beauty of the face beneath – the exposed one, which can only go out in public with Him. 

And you remind me of the lies that the devil tries to tell me: search yourself. Keep looking at yourself – maybe you will get to the bottom of this uneasiness.

And instead, you tell me:

Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self.
(Matthew 16:24-26 The Message)

Sunday, 11 November 2012

Inspiration: thoughts on writing a blogpost...

The most helpful and inspiring workshop I ever went to at University was a voluntary one.  

Only 6 or so students turned up, all seeking the answer to the same question: How can we get top marks in our essays with this teacher? (From what I remember the class was on French existentialism!) 

I think we all expected to be pointed to key academic texts we could discover the answers to the varied essay questions in, or to be given a secret or two by the teacher. But as far as I recall, there was none of that.

Instead, the teacher told us that what distinguished a good essay from an excellent essay was inspiration.  She told us that too many students looked at an essay question, researched as much as they could and collected the information together into a fluid piece of writing.  Perhaps they spent hours doing this and then came back disappointed that the highest mark they could ever achieve was a 2:1. (a ‘B’ on the University marking scale).

She told us that if we wanted to write interesting 1st grade essays then we needed to divide our essay writing into three parts:
1. Research,
2. Thinking time,  
3. Writing. 

She told us Starbucks was essential to essay writing. 

She told us that as much time should be spent thinking about the research we had done, with a notebook to jot down thoughts and questions, than should be spent with our head in our books.

Perhaps to others it had been obvious (although due to the lack of first grade essays, I doubt it!), but I had NEVER seen the importance of thinking time before.  Surely that was just procrastination?

That semester I wrote the first essay I enjoyed writing.  Sure, some of the delving through books was a bit monotonous, but interacting with the research and exploring my own ideas led me to really engage with the subject. For a week or two I pondered on and grappled with the different ideas; questioned the research I had read and put forward my own ideas and opinions. It was the easiest essay I wrote at University and it just flowed.  It was also the first essay I received a ‘first’ in.

And today, essentially, that is how I write:
1. Spending time with God and engaging with His word, reading and life experience (Research)
2. Pondering, questioning, praying and taking notes often over a week or two (Thinking time)
3. Bringing the thoughts together (Writing).

And that is how a blogpost usually comes together, generally over a week or two. 

First comes the living, then the resting in Him and then the writing. 

How do you engage with creativity in your life?

Do you have time to put in thinking time?

Blessed is the one…who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither –

    whatever they do prospers.

Psalm 1: 1-3 
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