One reason submission is so hard

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

1 Peter 3:1-6 (NIV)

This passage can be very uncomfortable for modern women.  We don’t like being told to submit.  We rebel against the spirit of control that we perceive in the words.

When God Exposed My Unforgiveness

In the book of Judges, peace was only experienced AFTER a battle had been won. 

A battle had to be entered into first, to gain the ground that was Israel's by inheritance, but which had been lost by unfaithfulness and not holding true to God’s ways.

God started speaking to me in my quiet time on Monday.  He told me to grab a pen, and I assumed He would start talking to me about the things that were anxiously on my heart – He didn’t.  He started to talk to me more generally about peace and about areas where I had battled in my life.  

In those areas where I had battled and He had brought victory, I was in peace.  Those areas where I was still uneasy were areas where there were still battles to embrace.

He began to talk to me about the medical system here in Peru.  He told me I needed to write a list of all the health care professionals who I held something against.   

Now I have had two live births here in Peru, and one induced birth for miscarriage at 17 weeks, and I have had MANY encounters with health care professionals.  Most of them have been bearable, some have been surprisingly fine and at some I have suffered abuse that could have been taken to court in the UK. Humiliation and lack of consideration are reoccurring events. (*I would like to just write a quick sidenote to say that I have also had some gentle, tender, God-given care by some timely individuals too!)  

I had already started (and I thought, finished) the forgiveness process with those doctors who had been abusive.  However, I had never considered how my attitude towards medical staff here in general and my lack of trust had been leading me into many situations where I set myself up for a hard time.  I hadn’t realised how much the enemy had held me in fear because of that lack of trust whenever an occasion to visit a doctor arose, or when talking to others about medical care here.  

I then surprised myself by writing a list of 12 people (12! I would have guessed, maybe 3 at tops!) who, on recall, I could feel I still held something against.  I then realised how much I was not at peace with medical care in general here. 

The Lord, ever gracious, led me through a process of forgiving each person on my list and showed me that even the abusive ones, had not been intentionally so – their methods were questionable, but they were trying to get their job done as they deemed best. 

And then it dawned on me that many of the complaints in my life are due to unforgiveness. 

Whenever I complain, it shows I have not forgiven or extended grace to those who intentionally or unintentionally previously inconvenienced me. 

And I started to think about those things I complain about, or am tempted to complain about:  bad taxi drivers; ‘incompetent’ administrators; ‘slow’ shop attendants; a long wait in a restaurant; my children making a 'ridiculous' mess… – I am tempted to complain because of past experience and because I refused to extend grace to those people beforehand.  Ultimately, because of unforgiveness.

How can I leave my house hoping to love those in the world and reach out to them with God’s love if I go out in an attitude of distrust and complaint?

And what happens when I enter into the emotional ‘battle’ of forgiveness? I begin to live in peace.  God’s hand is upon me, and whatever situation I am in, I can trust He will fight for me.  My peace at the hospital won’t be dependent on the treatment of the staff, but rather on the Spirit living in me.  My peace in the taxi won’t be dependent on the driver, but on my Father’s protection.  My peace in my home won’t be dependent on my children’s behavior, but on His peace in my heart.

What are you tempted to complain about? Who do you need to forgive?

Love…keeps no record of wrongs

1 Corinthians 13: 5

In the trenches

Less than one hour to go and I was standing on a wall in our garden, toys overflowing from my hands, frustrated tears running down my cheeks in front of three men, feeling very silly.

I was feeling silly not because I was crying in front of three men, who probably felt more uncomfortable than I did at the tears, but because I KNEW that the reason I was feeling so overwhelmed was the enemy.  He was coming in and undermining me just before we began something new and was reminding me of all the stress in times past when our house was jammed full with children.  The enemy was reminding me of the cost, and not of the prize, of course, and in that moment I just wasn’t sure if I was ready for the garden to be run down, toys to be broken and lost, diffusing childishness, cleaning up mess…

That was 9.45am this morning before the first service of our new season started in our house.

Of course, as I knew even standing there having my mini-tantrum at 9am, everything went fine (in fact, it went amazingly well!).  But even as I took a moment after lunch to put a tired one year-old to bed 3 hours later than usual, I wondered if we would really have to do it all again next week.  Did we really have to have gatherings in our house, or in fact, anywhere, ever again? Was it really worth it?

But then I asked myself: What else would we do? What else are we here in Peru for, if not to reach out to others. And I know that if it wasn’t the hurdle of having lots of children running around it would be something else.  Nearly every time we advance in the kingdom there are emotional hurdles to jump first. 

The birthing pains of breakthrough.

And I felt like the disciples when Jesus asked them if they too wanted to turn back, and all I can answer is:  ‘Lord, to whom shall I go? You have the words of eternal life. I have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.’ And there is nowhere else to go but forward!

And chatting with a dear Peruvian friend this afternoon who is the trenches once again with her family situations, I am once again reminded that the Christian life was never meant to be comfortable – it is meant to be war.

And today, battle weary and in the trenches, one foot in front of the other, we are winning.

Tempted to give up

Sometimes I look at a bad situation and I start praying.  

And that is the right response.  

A broken bank balance, a defiant child, a crying heart once again failing to change herself.  Prayer is always the right response. 

But what sort of prayer?

A deep desperate helpless cry,

or

a submitted, authoritative, listening prayer?

What if I also allowed the situation to show me a larger perspective.  What if God had already responded and set His will forward and the opposite I see is just a temporary spiritual kick back? What if the intensity is a sign that breakthrough, not devastation is near?

All I know is that before we receive a financial gift that is going to change our hopeless bank balance, we regularly have a financial attack.  A broken water tank meaning jug showers out of pots and pans has become this week’s norm – too normal that we complain not, struggling forward not to cope with another thing wrong, but to carry a pan full without overflowing the brim. 

All I know is that before my child steps forward in leaps and bounds in character, I often spend days wondering if he will ever listen to me, if it is too late, if I had only stepped down harder, if he will forever write on the walls, already condemning him in my mind to be a graffiti artist, and he has not yet reached 6?

All I know is my own struggle with sin – this week striving to respect my husband in all I say, and realizing instead all the complaints that flow far too quickly off my tongue – do I have faith that the Holy Spirit will empower my words and I too will change?

And then I remember that the struggle points to heaven’s momentum to bring change – it is precisely because I am about to be empowered to speak and encourage my husband that I am struggling now to do so – if I am just willing to submit to God and accept my powerlessness to change me. 

And it is precisely because my prayer for depth of character and sincerity has been answered that my child is still sticking in his heels, until we sit, heads bowed on his bed, him asking the Holy Spirit to change him and give him self-control, and all of a sudden his impulse to label everything directly turns into everything being labeled by post-it notes instead.

And it is precisely because we know there is an enabling gift flying through the imaginary bank transfer lines from their bank to ours that I just smile and tell Satan to get behind me when the water tank fails – does he think a few financial attacks are going to stop us trusting that God will send enough to cover it and to pay for the things he has destined the money for?   

You see, I am reminded, that it is all about perspective.

And perspective shifts the way we pray.

Thank you for your provision for us daily, thank you for hot water, and stoves for heating water and for jugs, and thank you for the gifts you are sending to provide for all our needs.

Thank you for my child and his heart, already won by you, and that you are showing him how to humbly come to you for help.  Help him always to know he can’t but you can.  Help him to hear your voice louder than the devil’s temptations.

Thank you for your transforming enabling Spirit on my words.  Thank you that I am going to be known as an encourager and defender of my husband, not a loose tongued wife.  Thank you that you want to use me to show others how you enable us to be more like you in our marriage – oh that I would never think it was in my own strength, but recognize it is only through you that I am sanctified and enabled.

It is all about heaven’s perspective.  Where do you need to know it? You know He is waiting to tell you, don’t you? Just draw close and listen to that whisper. 

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 

 – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18