A Missionary Mother’s Beatitudes

How blessed I am when I admit I have nothing of value to give

For my Father sprinkles my day with His riches

How blessed I am when I embrace endings

For in that soil new shoots spring forth

How blessed I am when I lay down my pride

For new territory can be won and occupied in my life

How blessed I am when I endeavor to do the right thing, although others may complain

Their complaints, turned to thanks, bless my heart

How blessed I am when I quickly forgive and extend grace

Then I understand God’s grace and my unworthiness to judge as I too am quickly forgiven

How blessed I am when all the distractions are held back (my complaints, the internet, my worries)

For God dwells in my day

How blessed I am when I choose to come alongside those who are struggling

For when I do, God affirms me as His child, being like my Daddy

How blessed I am when storms arise and arrows are launched at me

For they are opportunities for breakthrough for God’s glory to be manifest in my life

How blessed I am when I am misunderstood, bad-mouthed and misrepresented to others

My heart’s intentions and focus will be made clear in heaven – I am not alone – it is the same of all those who seek to proclaim God.

The seasons of a day

God has been talking to me a lot recently about rhythm. Right from the beginning, God set stars and the moon and in the sun in the sky for seasons, and for the ebbs and flows of day and night. His original creation, before the fall spoke of rest and work, in a harmonious flow. But modern life speaks of productivity and more productivity, without time to properly rest or embrace the natural rhythms of the day.

Below is an art response reflection on the four seasons of a day using photos from our recent trip to Callaria, a Shibipo community in the Amazon jungle where there is no electricity so the day is influenced by the rising and the setting of the sun...

Learning trust from the flamingos

Be like flamingos

Standing in the sea

Fish in abundance

Whenever food-time be

There is no need to flutter

Create a feathery fuss

The fish go streaming by

They’ll always be enough

They don’t cram each last fish

Into their darkened beaks

Instead they wait patiently

To claim one within their reach

As you start your day today

Don’t forget to wait

For the provision God has in store for you

It will never be too late

Don’t grab at fish in your own strength

There really is no need

For fish there are a plenty

When it is time for a quick feed.

If I...

If I homeschool to win love, I become disappointed when the children don’t engage with my activities or my plan.

If I homeschool through love, I am patient, encouraging and persevering, and willing to change the plan.

If I cook to win love, I feel it has been pointless if someone does not like the food, or criticizes a part of it.

If I cook through love, I am satisfied that hungry mouths are fed and any complaints are between them and God.

If I love my husband to win love, I feel resentful, cheated and justified in angry words when he doesn’t respond in the way I hoped.

If I love my husband through love, I am able to truly love, no matter how he responds or how long it takes for him to receive that love.

If I do the washing up to win love, and no one notices or acknowledges it, I feel unappreciated.

If I do the washing up through love, I remember that what is done in secret, my Heavenly Father will reward.

If I speak to win love, my words become messy and I say too much, trying to convince others of my point of view.

If I speak through love, I spend more time listening and only humbly offer an encouraging word or a timely challenge.

If I teach to win love, I forget that the Spirit has a purpose for each person listening and I try to impress rather than listen closely to His prompting.

If I teach through love, the talk flows surprisingly and despite my efforts, people connect with something I thought insignificant.

If I lead others to win love, hoping they’ll respect me more or recognize how gifted I am, I feel ashamed at the emptiness when I begin to pray, and I am scared to release others least they become better than me.

If I lead others through love, I see divine appointments happen, people released into their destinies and raised up to go beyond anywhere I could go – I see a legacy in heaven.

Oh, Lord, please only let me look to you to win love!

An Unhurried Path

Often I think the destination is the goal -

The thing most important.

I have got it all wrong.

It is not the end result that matters to God

As so much as the journey on the way.

Am I willing to unhurry down the path?

Will I acknowledge the wisdom to be found on the way?

Can I learn from the splendor of the wise deep marks,

In the solid steady trees,

(Once delicate shoots hopeful in the soil)?

Will I uncover the stones and discover a momentary world

Just for me?

Will I fear the oncoming darkness,

Or will I look to where the light is blending,

Dancing off the trees?

Can I still myself to hear not only

The many birds calling each other to rest

But also to hear My Creator’s same urging:

“Desist and learn that I am God”?

Calling and Completion

Just over a year ago, I felt strongly that God wanted me to pursue writing – that He wanted to use me in the future to write books and share with others.

I was excited. He wanted me to write a book?

I read up as much as I could about writing a book; I began writing two books and felt the Holy Spirit flow through me. How long would it take to write a book? A year? I knew if I was to look at getting it published it would take even longer. I talked to the Holy Spirit. That felt like a long time. He showed me the story of Abraham and the 14 years between the promise God gave him and its full completion in the birth of Isaac.

14 years. Wow.

I felt God say that he was pleased that I was embracing my calling and exercising the gift He had placed in me, but that it would be a long time before there were books completed or published in anything other than my own strength.

Why? I dared to ask.

He made it very clear:

‘Anna,’ He said, ‘You are like a puppy dog – and I love that – all excited and enthusiastic! But there is no way you are ready to go outside yet. With all that excitement and no maturity, you would run off and get hurt – I have to train you first to be 100% obedient to my voice – to stay by my side at all times, no matter what entices you, and that is a process.’

I felt humbled, yet relieved! How hasty I had been and how wise is our God?! It is true – I am not ready to have any literary success, in whatever form that is. I seek other’s affirmation too much. I am emotionally manipulated by the opinions of others. I find part of my value still in how other’s see me. And that is too dangerous. That is too big a stumbling block for the devil to stick in my way.

Friday, I began reading Ann Voskamp’s ‘Blogger’s Prayer’ and it is my prayer too. I want this blog to NEVER be about winning anyone’s affirmation but God’s. And I want it to be happily written for an audience of One – and only by God’s grace, anything other than that.

A gift from God

‘The treasure is hidden

Now go and find

The secrets wrapped up’

Tenderly, excitedly, seductively

I run laughing to find them

Amongst the dewy trees

Amongst the Spring flowers

Laying by the canal

Primroses yellow and buttercups

The heaviness of hay tickling my nose,

Bunnies peeking then scampering into burrows.

I find the present amongst the sparkling grass

All shiny silver with a metallic blue bow,

Competing with the glittering grass

Holding it in my hand, I stare at it, smiling,

And then pull one bow tip.

The knot comes undone slowly

I feel the rough silver tread in the blue bow on my fingertips

The silver paper comes away and inside is

A large jar

Full of beautiful butterflies.

I hold them up to the light

The rays bounce off the magical dusty colours

I know not whether to

keep them in the jar

To try and keep the beautiful gift

Or let them go.

But really, I know, I have to let them go,

Because if I don’t they will die.

I twist the lid and the butterflies hover calmly

Before fluttering all around me.

They are not scared

They just flutter and rest on my arms

One settles on the back of my hand

And I see the turquoise glint

In the royal blue shapes.

Then they fly, high,

The wings flapping goodbye and thank you

And I am left in awe.