Restoring what the locusts had eaten

Today was a beautiful day.  It was a day where my spirit could not help but praise God.  It was a day of redemption.

Monday morning I dreamt of a huge insect sitting in a devastated field.  My son Joel (God has such a good sense of humour…) woke me and immediately I asked God what the insect was and the word ‘locust’ came to mind.  We spent Monday morning prayer time asking God to restore to us the things in our lives that the locusts had eaten.  (Joel 2)

Last week, God did a deep work of forgiveness in me as I blogged about then, and today I know why and just how deep it was. 

I was awoken at 2.15am by our friends, who were in labour with their first child.  Because the baby was breech-transverse and with a cord around the neck, there was no option but C-section and we raced through amber lights to the emergency of a small hospital in Lima centre.  My friend’s personal doctor was unable to attend the birth, and neither were any of her staff, so I had the privilege of being able to enter the operating room instead of her doctor (her doctor was going to have a non-medical role!!).  I was able to film the whole thing and support her and her husband during the different stages of the birth and post-natal bonding.

God set it up.

Judah (who lives up to his meaning ‘praise’) was programmed in to be born tomorrow.  Everything was set, and my friends’ doctor would be back in town.  But just over 24 hours early, right on his due date, Judah/God decided it was time. 

And I am humbled that I found favour with Him to be able to be part of the birth and support them through it all. 

And reflecting this evening, I saw just how much God had restored today.  He allowed my nearly identical but unprepared c-section experience in that same hospital just 14 months ago to pave the way for my friends’ preparation and my ability to help guide during the day.  And He also allowed me to see how much my attitude towards the medical staff had changed.  The fruit of the work of forgiveness in me. 

If today had happened before that forgiveness process I would have been in battle mode – trying to push my friends’ preferences on the doctors – trying to fight for them.  But instead, we prayed, I spoke up respectfully and kindly to the medical staff and God melted their hearts towards us and opened doors.  His peace surrounded the day. 

And God began to help me see my c-section birth in a different light too.  And snuggled up at bedtime tonight to my big 14-month old baby who is becoming a little boy, sensitive and calm and joyful, my heart began to be overwhelmed with thanks for everything God did for me during his birth.  Everything that I was too fearful, or angry or confused to be able to acknowledge at the time.  

And to see my dear friends at peace because God prepared them so well, and remembering Kaleb’s birth and the sacrifice that a c-section was for me at the time, makes me realize once again, that God’s perspective is so much greater. I am so glad that He knows best and that I submitted to Him in it all. 

‘I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten –
    the great locust and the young locust,
    the other locusts and the locust swarm–
my great army that I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
    and you will praise the name of the Lord your God,
    who has worked wonders for you;

Joel 2:25-26

And today – I am full. 

When God Exposed My Unforgiveness

In the book of Judges, peace was only experienced AFTER a battle had been won. 

A battle had to be entered into first, to gain the ground that was Israel's by inheritance, but which had been lost by unfaithfulness and not holding true to God’s ways.

God started speaking to me in my quiet time on Monday.  He told me to grab a pen, and I assumed He would start talking to me about the things that were anxiously on my heart – He didn’t.  He started to talk to me more generally about peace and about areas where I had battled in my life.  

In those areas where I had battled and He had brought victory, I was in peace.  Those areas where I was still uneasy were areas where there were still battles to embrace.

He began to talk to me about the medical system here in Peru.  He told me I needed to write a list of all the health care professionals who I held something against.   

Now I have had two live births here in Peru, and one induced birth for miscarriage at 17 weeks, and I have had MANY encounters with health care professionals.  Most of them have been bearable, some have been surprisingly fine and at some I have suffered abuse that could have been taken to court in the UK. Humiliation and lack of consideration are reoccurring events. (*I would like to just write a quick sidenote to say that I have also had some gentle, tender, God-given care by some timely individuals too!)  

I had already started (and I thought, finished) the forgiveness process with those doctors who had been abusive.  However, I had never considered how my attitude towards medical staff here in general and my lack of trust had been leading me into many situations where I set myself up for a hard time.  I hadn’t realised how much the enemy had held me in fear because of that lack of trust whenever an occasion to visit a doctor arose, or when talking to others about medical care here.  

I then surprised myself by writing a list of 12 people (12! I would have guessed, maybe 3 at tops!) who, on recall, I could feel I still held something against.  I then realised how much I was not at peace with medical care in general here. 

The Lord, ever gracious, led me through a process of forgiving each person on my list and showed me that even the abusive ones, had not been intentionally so – their methods were questionable, but they were trying to get their job done as they deemed best. 

And then it dawned on me that many of the complaints in my life are due to unforgiveness. 

Whenever I complain, it shows I have not forgiven or extended grace to those who intentionally or unintentionally previously inconvenienced me. 

And I started to think about those things I complain about, or am tempted to complain about:  bad taxi drivers; ‘incompetent’ administrators; ‘slow’ shop attendants; a long wait in a restaurant; my children making a 'ridiculous' mess… – I am tempted to complain because of past experience and because I refused to extend grace to those people beforehand.  Ultimately, because of unforgiveness.

How can I leave my house hoping to love those in the world and reach out to them with God’s love if I go out in an attitude of distrust and complaint?

And what happens when I enter into the emotional ‘battle’ of forgiveness? I begin to live in peace.  God’s hand is upon me, and whatever situation I am in, I can trust He will fight for me.  My peace at the hospital won’t be dependent on the treatment of the staff, but rather on the Spirit living in me.  My peace in the taxi won’t be dependent on the driver, but on my Father’s protection.  My peace in my home won’t be dependent on my children’s behavior, but on His peace in my heart.

What are you tempted to complain about? Who do you need to forgive?

Love…keeps no record of wrongs

1 Corinthians 13: 5

In the trenches

Less than one hour to go and I was standing on a wall in our garden, toys overflowing from my hands, frustrated tears running down my cheeks in front of three men, feeling very silly.

I was feeling silly not because I was crying in front of three men, who probably felt more uncomfortable than I did at the tears, but because I KNEW that the reason I was feeling so overwhelmed was the enemy.  He was coming in and undermining me just before we began something new and was reminding me of all the stress in times past when our house was jammed full with children.  The enemy was reminding me of the cost, and not of the prize, of course, and in that moment I just wasn’t sure if I was ready for the garden to be run down, toys to be broken and lost, diffusing childishness, cleaning up mess…

That was 9.45am this morning before the first service of our new season started in our house.

Of course, as I knew even standing there having my mini-tantrum at 9am, everything went fine (in fact, it went amazingly well!).  But even as I took a moment after lunch to put a tired one year-old to bed 3 hours later than usual, I wondered if we would really have to do it all again next week.  Did we really have to have gatherings in our house, or in fact, anywhere, ever again? Was it really worth it?

But then I asked myself: What else would we do? What else are we here in Peru for, if not to reach out to others. And I know that if it wasn’t the hurdle of having lots of children running around it would be something else.  Nearly every time we advance in the kingdom there are emotional hurdles to jump first. 

The birthing pains of breakthrough.

And I felt like the disciples when Jesus asked them if they too wanted to turn back, and all I can answer is:  ‘Lord, to whom shall I go? You have the words of eternal life. I have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.’ And there is nowhere else to go but forward!

And chatting with a dear Peruvian friend this afternoon who is the trenches once again with her family situations, I am once again reminded that the Christian life was never meant to be comfortable – it is meant to be war.

And today, battle weary and in the trenches, one foot in front of the other, we are winning.