Calling and Completion

Just over a year ago, I felt strongly that God wanted me to pursue writing – that He wanted to use me in the future to write books and share with others.

I was excited. He wanted me to write a book?

I read up as much as I could about writing a book; I began writing two books and felt the Holy Spirit flow through me. How long would it take to write a book? A year? I knew if I was to look at getting it published it would take even longer. I talked to the Holy Spirit. That felt like a long time. He showed me the story of Abraham and the 14 years between the promise God gave him and its full completion in the birth of Isaac.

14 years. Wow.

I felt God say that he was pleased that I was embracing my calling and exercising the gift He had placed in me, but that it would be a long time before there were books completed or published in anything other than my own strength.

Why? I dared to ask.

He made it very clear:

‘Anna,’ He said, ‘You are like a puppy dog – and I love that – all excited and enthusiastic! But there is no way you are ready to go outside yet. With all that excitement and no maturity, you would run off and get hurt – I have to train you first to be 100% obedient to my voice – to stay by my side at all times, no matter what entices you, and that is a process.’

I felt humbled, yet relieved! How hasty I had been and how wise is our God?! It is true – I am not ready to have any literary success, in whatever form that is. I seek other’s affirmation too much. I am emotionally manipulated by the opinions of others. I find part of my value still in how other’s see me. And that is too dangerous. That is too big a stumbling block for the devil to stick in my way.

Friday, I began reading Ann Voskamp’s ‘Blogger’s Prayer’ and it is my prayer too. I want this blog to NEVER be about winning anyone’s affirmation but God’s. And I want it to be happily written for an audience of One – and only by God’s grace, anything other than that.

A gift from God

‘The treasure is hidden

Now go and find

The secrets wrapped up’

Tenderly, excitedly, seductively

I run laughing to find them

Amongst the dewy trees

Amongst the Spring flowers

Laying by the canal

Primroses yellow and buttercups

The heaviness of hay tickling my nose,

Bunnies peeking then scampering into burrows.

I find the present amongst the sparkling grass

All shiny silver with a metallic blue bow,

Competing with the glittering grass

Holding it in my hand, I stare at it, smiling,

And then pull one bow tip.

The knot comes undone slowly

I feel the rough silver tread in the blue bow on my fingertips

The silver paper comes away and inside is

A large jar

Full of beautiful butterflies.

I hold them up to the light

The rays bounce off the magical dusty colours

I know not whether to

keep them in the jar

To try and keep the beautiful gift

Or let them go.

But really, I know, I have to let them go,

Because if I don’t they will die.

I twist the lid and the butterflies hover calmly

Before fluttering all around me.

They are not scared

They just flutter and rest on my arms

One settles on the back of my hand

And I see the turquoise glint

In the royal blue shapes.

Then they fly, high,

The wings flapping goodbye and thank you

And I am left in awe.